Alright! I don't particularly like conflict stories as it gets more conflicting along the way. The following is a super concise story of something that I would like to forget for good. This happened not too long ago. Names have been changed to protect myself.
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Here it goes:
Apple has a group of good friends. They would always hang out together in a big group. However, not everyone in the group agrees with each other at times. There was once, one of her friends, John, invited her to a very joyous event. On the day of the event, she was late as she has lost her way. John called her up a couple of time to check how she was. The event was about to start. One last call was made and she flared up. “I told you that I am lost and why are you still bothering me?” She yelled into the phone angrily. John barked into the phone,” I am being concern and this is what i get?” Soon after, their relationship turned sour and Apple drifted apart from this old group of friends whom she has known for many years.
At the meantime, Apple has found a new group of friends. They told each other their problems and seek solace with one another. Apple told them about her story with the old group of friends. Upon hearing the issues raised, they stood firmly on her side. They believed every word that she has said and gave their comments on the issues. Apparently, those comments were in favour to Apple. Apple became very angry and started blogging about people who has wronged her. Prior to that, Apple has always been a frank and straightforward person. She would say whatever that bothers her even if it means to offend those around her. Soon, someone left a comment on her blog and said something unhealthy. She suspected that person to be John and confronted him on the blog. John felt that he was maligned. Being stubborn and self-righteous, he started to blog about her changed in attitude after she has met her new friends. He also commented on how “helpful” her new friends were in sorting discord. Apple, not wanting to lose in this rat race, retaliated. Even her new friends backed her up in the retaliation.
Not long after, John demanded an apology from her for the reckless and irresponsible remarks on her blog. He even warned that if she doesn’t apologise, he would sue her for defamation.
The problem comes: How should the both of them do so that the cut wouldn’t go deeper and what could have been done to savage this relationship?
FYI: PLEASE DO NOT MISTAKEN ME AS (an) APPLE OR EVEN JOHN!
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4 comments:
Fist of all, I don't think blogging about your feeling of your friends is a sensible and mature thing to do. I understand that some celebrities post articles which are private or controversial on blogs to advertise themselves in order to attract public's attention. That is for commercial purpose. However, for ordinary people like Apple and John, blogging about the feeling towards each other would worsen the miscommunication and conflitcs. They should talk to each other, and explain their problems in a calm manner.
Secondly, even if Apple and John disagree with each other and can't get along anymore, it is not wise to say bad things about each other to other people. They should let go the whole conflict, then keep their mouth shut.
Also, Apple's new social group has a negative effect in this conflict. In my opinion, they are being true friends to Apple. True friends should be able to give advise even though it doesn't sound nice. Apple need to be more mature to recognise who is being fake to her. She also needs to be more open to accept different opinions.
Hi Miranda, after reading your post, i am amazed at how small issues of miscommunication and misunderstandings can explode into huge arguments and turn a beautiful friendship into something that we hate. But, in everyone's lives at some point in time, don't we have some relationships just like that?
In my opinion, the misunderstanding can be solved right at the start and the situation would not have gotten so ugly. Anyway, looking at how things are now, i think the appropriate solution is to let the both of them talk things out, face to face. Listen to each other and understand each other's situation. It would be right to apologize and delete the posts that they have commented on each other. And if they still can't resolve the conflict between the both of them, the other friends in the "old" group should lend a helping hand in clearing up the misunderstanding. Also, they should state facts instead of mentioning negative things about Apple's new group of friends as it would appear that they are bad-mouthing them. True friendships will be able to stand the test of time.
Cheers,
Chong Guan
I think that Apple should learn how to manage her feelings as without this fundamental skill, it has resulted in a strained friendship between John and her. It is definitely, a price too high to pay. If she managed her feelings better, she would never have shouted at John when John was actually worried about her when she was lost. It is also silly for her to leave her group like that just because of a small incident ; this is very petty of her. She should not have said everything in her favor too when she told the story to her new group of friends. It is just too unfair for John. Again, without this skill, she added salt to the wound by confronting John on the blog. Why should she do that? She should just confront John and settle the problem once and for all.
I think John was just trying to defend himself. That was why he wrote about the situation on the blog but I think John got a bit too far by wanting to sue her for defamation. It is totally crazy. Both of them should just learn how to manage their feelings and not let the feelings control what they are doing. They should just talk it out when Apple lost her way and shouted at him. Being a guy, I think I should take more initiative and understand why she shouted at me and tell Apple that everything is alright. Then, everything is solved, she will not leave the group of friends and lead to such a tragedy.
In this particular situation, I guess anger and impatience got the better of Apple when she realized she was almost late for the event and to make matter worse, she still could not find her way there. I supposed the fear of missing out on the fun or making others wait could raise her temper to the level that she will just want to concentrate on finding her way there and ignoring everything else.(Think this is quite common in most people, I admit that I am like that sometimes) As a result after receiving repeated calls from John inquiring on her whereabouts, she has reached her maximum tolerance level and thus all hell was unleashed as she regarded John's phone calls as obstacles to her target, which is to reach the place as fast as possible. I feel that even in such a "hotspot" situation, Apple should have learnt to control and manage her feelings so that she can think and act in a more calm, collected and rationale manner. This will allow her to find the venue more effectively as she becomes more sensitive to the surroundings and also to reply to John in a more composed and assured tone. Moreover, she should have indicated earlier to John that she was not familiar with the place and not to keep it to herself because in the end she and John would suffer as she would not be able to find and reach the place in time and John has to squander his time waiting until she shows up.
Besides calling on Apple regularly to check on her status, I think John can also show his concern by going to look for her and bringing her to the correct venue. In addition, he can also make an effort to meet up with Apple beforehand and go together by checking with her if she knows or wants to go together. Thus, this kind of situation can be avoided if both Apple and John were able to practice effective communication with each other earlier on. Hence we can see that this is another case of assumption is the mother of all failures.
As for Apple's new group of friends, I feel that they should take Apple's words with a very slight pinch of salt even though she is considered as a trustworthy and honest friend among them because what they hear is still only one side of the argument and so it can be slightly subjective and biased in a sense. Perhaps they should also hear John's point of view before making their stand. In this way as true friends, they should be able to help resolve the grudge between Apple and John in a more objective and mature way istead of using childish means such as blogs to "flame" at each other because this will eventually become a vicious cycle and words will keep flying between them for as long as they want, without actually solving the root of the problem. I believe the best way to resolve this is Apple and her old and new friends should meet up with John and talk this over with in a peaceful and mature manner because one should not let this kind of minute problem destroys friendships that have been forged and have withstood the test of time.
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